This Insufferable Blight…
Following the first rant, on political correctness, one reader was of the opinion that I had let the mad blonde tart (to quote one of the other women present that night) off too lightly, and so he sent me 30 fairly politically correct alternative descriptions of our inebriated irritant (the occasional sex-specific pronoun has been amended). My personal favourites are highlighted:
- A few clowns short of a circus
- A few fries short of a Happy Meal
- An experiment in Artificial Stupidity
- A few beers short of a six-pack
- A few peas short of a casserole
- Doesn’t have all her cornflakes in one box
- The wheel’s spinning, but the hamster’s dead
- One Fruit Loop shy of a full bowl
- One taco short of a combination plate
- A few feathers short of a whole duck
- All foam, no beer
- Body by Fisher, brains by Mattel
- Has an I.Q. of 2, but it takes 3 to grunt
- Warning: Objects in mirror are dumber than they appear
- Couldn’t pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel
- Too much yardage between the goalposts
- An intellect rivalled only by garden tools
- As smart as bait
- Doesn’t have all her dogs on one leash
- Doesn’t know much, but leads the league in nostril hair
- Elevator doesn’t go all the way to the top floor
- Forgot to pay her brain bill
- Her antenna doesn’t pick up all the channels
- Her belt doesn’t go through all the loops
- If she had another brain, it would be lonely
- No grain in the silo
- Proof that evolution can go in reverse
- Receiver is off the hook
- Several nuts short of a full pouch
- She fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down
Many thanks to Ross for his contribution.
©2000 DC.